Let me do a short re-cap:
I first went to Guatemala during the summer of 2010 with a program from Liberty University. I absolutely loved it. Go back and read my blog if you don't believe me (Well, I loved everything but the crema and queso seco). I remember being in the airport on the way back to the States and being sad, not knowing when I would get to go back. Don't get me wrong, I was so excited to see my family and friends...but I was uneasy because it was unknown if Guatemala was what God had for me.
I did begin to pray about returning. I desperately wanted to go back. I didn't care if I just went back to bag bread in the pananderia in Zacapa. I just had a hunger to be there. I ran out of patience, and thought I was running out of time to be able to go back. (I think I had made the assumption that after a certain age it wouldn't be possible?) I began to once again take my plans into my own hands and I tried every way possible I knew to get back there. Then I broadened my expectations.. anywhere in Guatemala...then again.. any Spanish speaking country. I had a hunger to live abroad.
My hunger was never satisfied.
(Here comes a shout out to my small group) A good thing can become a bad thing if it takes the place of God. It's called an idol. My small group was doing a study on idols when I had a HUGE one. Guatemala was an idol in my life. I at one point was doing everything I could to get there. In my mind it was the only thing that could make me happy.. I realized that once again, I had picked the plans up from God's feet that I had many times laid down saying, "Do what you will." I took back my word because I doubted God and His sovereignty. I didn't think He knew what He was doing. I picked up the plans and was trying to figure out how to make them work for me and my definition of happiness.
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| Be Jealous of My Small Group |
After laying those plans back down at His feet and feeding my hunger with time with Him, I "settled down" in Durham, NC....I quickly saw God and how it was clear and evident that His plan was for me to be here.
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| My First Class Ever! Fifth Grade BCA |
In 2012, a chance to go back to Guatemala hit me smack dab in the face. Part of the trip would be on a completely different area of Guatemala that I had been exposed to...but it was still hitting me. I'll be honest and tell you that I had hesitations and fears. I didn't want to mess up on the "taking God's plans into my own hands again." After prayer, I knew that God was telling me to go, but to keep Him first.
I fell in love again, with a different side of the country and the people there. This is when I first "met" IAS and on this trip I also got to back and visit my "Zacapa Guatemalan family." All the while being in Guatemala, I knew I had another year in Durham. I had already signed my contract at BCA before I left...not just to secure a job, but because after praying if I was suppose to stay at BCA I felt God confirm. I would be lying if I told you "not once did I consider seeing if I could get a job that year." Oh yeahhhh, you better believe those thoughts danced around in my head. But in my heart I knew that was not God's plan...yet.
The Guatemalan lady's name is Lucia! And she just got saved! (I'll write more about that next time!)
Leaving Guatemala that time was a lot different than the first. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was more mature in my faith than I had been in 2010. I was desperately seeking God for strength, peace, and understanding---I wasn't just seeking to go back. I was very careful to not let myself believe the lies that being there would instantly and forever make me happy. I was aware of my need for God. Not Guatemala or a plane ticket to go back.
Now to speed things up a bit... as many of you know, I will be teaching in Guatemala starting in August. (I'll write again soon explaining more details about what I'll be teaching, the school, living arrangements, prayer requests and all those juicy details--I promise!!!!).
God had to get me to the point where I could say, "I will serve you anywhere--not just in Guatemala, not just in Durham. I will serve you wherever you call me to go or stay."
I am no way claiming that I have all this following God's plan thing down to a pat, or that I am perfect as I am clearly not. I'm actually claiming that I have struggled with it greatly, but by the grace of God and His steadfast love---I have seen more of God. I have messed up, but God has picked me up. I have turned away from God because I was mad that He wasn't letting me go, but He never stopped pursuing me. I was just tired of trying to live for God when I wasn't getting what I wanted, but not once to God get tired of accepting me back from my childish temper-tantrums with His love.
Sometimes in life we are at place where we can stop, turn around, and understand some of the answers to our why questions. I'm at that place now. Some of my why questions are making sense. Why God didn't send me to Guatemala sooner. Why He had me serve Him here first. I still had some things to learn... and still do :)
In closing (finally, right?) I am so thankful for all the people who have been in my life in Durham these past 2 years especially: family, childhood friends, Summit friends & church family, FIT team, my small group, my little soccer teams, summer camp, and of course my BCA fam. Thank you for putting up with me these past 2 years. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for allowing me to serve with you. Thank you for loving me when I at times was very unlovely.
And to close, I encourage you all to take time and ask yourself if you are open to whatever God has for you. Age, marital status, occupation, and talents are no limitation to living life for God. Also, living your life for God does not just mean that you have to go overseas. Mission fields are all around us. Wherever you find yourself reading this, you are in one.
Are you willing to serve Christ wherever He calls you to stay or wherever He calls you to go?
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